July 28, 2012
things i learned about my seatmates during the 1.5 hour flight from atlanta to tampa (despite trying to listen to the best show on fucking noise cancelling headphones the entire time)
1. he does not feel safe being in the house—his house—with alex2. he thinks that alex is a threat to his own safety3. he comes to her with these feelings and she again and again aggressively denies them4. he is being investigated by the SEC5. she does not know what it’s like to come home to a dirty towel6. she does not know what it’s like to come home to a towel that smells like smoke7. she does not know what it’s like to come home to a shower in which she almost falls because it is so unclean that it is slippery8. she lets alex and his friends and all these other people and their chaos into their lives when they are still dealing with the raw wound of the greatest pain of their lives together9. he wakes up at five a.m. to clean the paris apartment before she comes home, even after being cornered at the bar by a drunk in sweden the night before who he does not want his life to be like10. everything that he’s done for them in atlanta was to make her happy11. they’ve made great friends this year, even the ones who have been through such hell that they could only find the time to have them over once, this is a huge accomplishment12. they’ve turned the tide in the lawsuits; they’re now on the offensive13. they need to sell the porsche and get the ten thousand dollars out of it [?!?!?] 14. ten thousand dollars is what they spend a month in paris15. he arranges and manages everything for them—the car that takes them to lunch at the ritz—out of love for her, while she cannot manage even herself in paris when she is out with her friends16. he has been nice to her friends; more than nice, super nice17. he deplores the lowering of standards in this country, as exemplified by their experience at the ritz carlton which he made such a stink about that they comped their stay and are sending vouchers for free future stays18. nobody knows what a cappucino is in this country and it causes him pain19. the flight attendant at the beginning of the flight said welcome aboard flight 510 to baltimore! and we laugh!
ladies and gentlemen, i give you
LITERALLY THE TWO WORST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD

things i learned about my seatmates during the 1.5 hour flight from atlanta to tampa (despite trying to listen to the best show on fucking noise cancelling headphones the entire time)

1. he does not feel safe being in the house—his house—with alex
2. he thinks that alex is a threat to his own safety
3. he comes to her with these feelings and she again and again aggressively denies them
4. he is being investigated by the SEC
5. she does not know what it’s like to come home to a dirty towel
6. she does not know what it’s like to come home to a towel that smells like smoke
7. she does not know what it’s like to come home to a shower in which she almost falls because it is so unclean that it is slippery
8. she lets alex and his friends and all these other people and their chaos into their lives when they are still dealing with the raw wound of the greatest pain of their lives together
9. he wakes up at five a.m. to clean the paris apartment before she comes home, even after being cornered at the bar by a drunk in sweden the night before who he does not want his life to be like
10. everything that he’s done for them in atlanta was to make her happy
11. they’ve made great friends this year, even the ones who have been through such hell that they could only find the time to have them over once, this is a huge accomplishment
12. they’ve turned the tide in the lawsuits; they’re now on the offensive
13. they need to sell the porsche and get the ten thousand dollars out of it [?!?!?]
14. ten thousand dollars is what they spend a month in paris
15. he arranges and manages everything for them—the car that takes them to lunch at the ritz—out of love for her, while she cannot manage even herself in paris when she is out with her friends
16. he has been nice to her friends; more than nice, super nice
17. he deplores the lowering of standards in this country, as exemplified by their experience at the ritz carlton which he made such a stink about that they comped their stay and are sending vouchers for free future stays
18. nobody knows what a cappucino is in this country and it causes him pain
19. the flight attendant at the beginning of the flight said welcome aboard flight 510 to baltimore! and we laugh!

ladies and gentlemen, i give you

LITERALLY THE TWO WORST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD